Trust, Instinct, and Luck
Posted 07-18-2010 at 08:33 PM by The Fuse
How do we decide whom to trust in the lifestyle? Are we too trusting at times? Other times, do we cheat ourselves out of some good times by not trusting enough? A few things have made me wonder about this question lately.
If you read my last blog entry, you know CXXC and I had a fabulous time alone together. I had absolutely no qualms about going off alone with him. He's been posting here for years, and what he writes shows him consistently to be a person of good character. We've corresponded, etc. etc. A person with bad motives would be extremely unlikely to put that kind of effort in, especially the posting and blogging on this board. So I had all the trust I needed in that case.
The recent post by the woman who was drugged her first time out at a swinger's club also made me think. In short, it makes me think you can't really trust anyone you don't know. Sometimes people really ARE out to hurt you.
Two weekends ago, Mr. Fuse was away for the weekend. I considered going to a meet and greet by myself. Part of why I didn't was because no one would be dedicated to watching out for me, even though I would have certainly known many people there. I ended up spending the night with a couple we've known since last fall, just the three of us at their house. It was a very fun night
.
This past weekend, we went to meet a couple we'd been corresponding with for about two weeks. We'd exchanged a bunch of emails and the lady and I had talked on the phone. Normally, Mr. Fuse and I have a policy of always meeting new people in a public place, at least briefly. We couldn't imagine meeting someone for the first time in their home or ours. What if a new couple turned out to be really bad people who would do terrible things? But somehow, when this lady invited us to meet at their house with the idea that we'd go out in their boat, I just said, "Okay", without thinking about it. We just had a report already... and frankly, I didn't have my usual filter on. Mr. Fuse agreed it was most likely fine. Not only did we go over there, but after a little bit, the guy went to the boat briefly to pick something up and left us alone with his wife! To cap it off, we went out in their boat with them, out on the water with no one else around! We had just met less than two hours previously! We even joked that the two of them could chop up our bodies and chuck the pieces overboard. We weren't the slightest bit nervous. We all played on the boat, had a great time, went back to their house and talked and then played some more.
So really, how do we make these decisions about when to trust? I think much of it is subconscious. Maybe I should have started a thread instead of making this a blog post. Either way, it's way too long so I apologize...
If you read my last blog entry, you know CXXC and I had a fabulous time alone together. I had absolutely no qualms about going off alone with him. He's been posting here for years, and what he writes shows him consistently to be a person of good character. We've corresponded, etc. etc. A person with bad motives would be extremely unlikely to put that kind of effort in, especially the posting and blogging on this board. So I had all the trust I needed in that case.
The recent post by the woman who was drugged her first time out at a swinger's club also made me think. In short, it makes me think you can't really trust anyone you don't know. Sometimes people really ARE out to hurt you.
Two weekends ago, Mr. Fuse was away for the weekend. I considered going to a meet and greet by myself. Part of why I didn't was because no one would be dedicated to watching out for me, even though I would have certainly known many people there. I ended up spending the night with a couple we've known since last fall, just the three of us at their house. It was a very fun night
.This past weekend, we went to meet a couple we'd been corresponding with for about two weeks. We'd exchanged a bunch of emails and the lady and I had talked on the phone. Normally, Mr. Fuse and I have a policy of always meeting new people in a public place, at least briefly. We couldn't imagine meeting someone for the first time in their home or ours. What if a new couple turned out to be really bad people who would do terrible things? But somehow, when this lady invited us to meet at their house with the idea that we'd go out in their boat, I just said, "Okay", without thinking about it. We just had a report already... and frankly, I didn't have my usual filter on. Mr. Fuse agreed it was most likely fine. Not only did we go over there, but after a little bit, the guy went to the boat briefly to pick something up and left us alone with his wife! To cap it off, we went out in their boat with them, out on the water with no one else around! We had just met less than two hours previously! We even joked that the two of them could chop up our bodies and chuck the pieces overboard. We weren't the slightest bit nervous. We all played on the boat, had a great time, went back to their house and talked and then played some more.
So really, how do we make these decisions about when to trust? I think much of it is subconscious. Maybe I should have started a thread instead of making this a blog post. Either way, it's way too long so I apologize...
Total Comments 15
Comments
 |  Intuition |
Posted 07-18-2010 at 09:21 PM by SW_PA_Couple  |
| |  I think this is an interesting blog and something we all have to address at some point in our swinging activities. The folks we've met at the house parties we attend have shown themselves to be completely trustworthy and respectful. Most of the folks attend the parties regularly and many of us have a common military background. Once we became known there, we started hearing stories about how disrespectful folks have been asked to leave and not been invited back. My wife and I play separately at the parties and I have no reservation about her safety behind closed doors with her choice of playmates. I think any of the regulars would act quickly if someone were being treated inappropriately. It is easy to relax and let our guard down. My wallet and keys will be tossed into the playbag within moments after we arrive at the party and I'm completely confident they'll be there when I go digging for them. We've been to many different party locations and seen the same kind of mutual respect at each one. I think we've been lucky as hell in our swinging options. |
| Posted 07-18-2010 at 09:32 PM by socolais |
| |  Perhaps we should talk about a lack of trust rather than a lack of chemistry when we decide who to not play with. Because, thinking about it, I think that my instinctive negative reactions to some people are based more on that than on sexual attractiveness. When we think that someone can't be trusted, naturally we wouldn't want to get naked with them. |
| Posted 07-18-2010 at 10:35 PM by PB&J |
| | I've posted a reference to this before, but there was a case in Maryland where the meet did go bad. http://www.mdcoastdispatch.com/artic...?cid=37&id=535 |
| Posted 07-18-2010 at 10:38 PM by exploringRM |
| |  Wow, that is really chilling. Instinctive negative reactions, for me, are also usually based on something feeling fishy or not quite right about someone. But there are plenty of people we like quite a lot and trust, with whom we still have no chemistry. SW_PA_Couple nailed it with the "Intuition" comment, I think. |
Posted 07-19-2010 at 06:34 AM by The Fuse  |
| |  As I've said before (and pretty much in line with what SW_PA_Couple said), if you follow your gut, then you can't go wrong. =) |
| Posted 07-19-2010 at 09:25 AM by sweet_tna |
| |  Quote:
.....if you follow your gut, then you can't go wrong.
Take a look at the couples in the link that exploringRM posted. I had to read the story to figure out which couple was the victim, and which one was the perpetrator of a horrendous crime. Both looked like normal, attractive couples. Was there something that the bad couple did that should have alerted the victims? Maybe, maybe not. We'll never know. It was mentioned that a third couple was there at the nightclub, but bailed because the bad couple was "too forward". Doesn't really mean much, as most vanillas would possibly think of us as too forward. Their forwardness very well may have been attractive to the victims. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't think that victims in crimes like these are always too trusting, or not following their instincts. I think that there are some very evil people out there that can fool people long enough to do bad things to them. Thankfully, these bad people, or evil, defective, whatever you want to call them, are very, very few and far between. I'll pull a number out of my ass and say they are one in every one million people. So, the actual chance of meeting or dealing with someone like this is very rare. So, trusting your gut is a good thing, but not an infallible defense, IMHO. |
| Posted 07-19-2010 at 10:53 AM by two4youinswva |
| |  I vaguely remember this case when it happened, and that was a horrifying read. Sorry this sort of overshadows the blog which was obviously just the opposite, but wow. As two4 said, I couldn't tell who the murderer couple would be from the photos I had to check with the story. |
| Posted 07-19-2010 at 12:27 PM by Chicup |
| | I am in complete agreement with two4youinswva. I tend to trust my gut. But just because I am a good observer and have a good record of picking the bad ones for who they are, doesn't mean I can't be fooled. That's the "Luck" in the title of this blog. Like Chicup and two4you, when I looked at that article I studied the faces in the pictures and still had to read it to find out who the victims were, and who were the murderers. Mr. Fuse and I discussed what happened last weekend when we went to that couple's house. We agreed that from now on if we do something like that, we will let a trusted friend know where we are going as a precaution. We will also leave a note in our house to that effect. Those things might not protect us in a crunch but at least if something happens, the people would be caught. |
| Posted 07-19-2010 at 07:13 PM by The Fuse |
| | In the case I posted above, the couple met while out..I don't recall if it was on the bus or at a bar. There was no prior contact at all, a random meeting. I feel a little solace in the fact that for people we meet there is some sort of trail..email exchanged, sign-ups and at times payment to the host of an event, as well as witnesses. |
| Posted 07-19-2010 at 07:26 PM by exploringRM |
| | I don't mean to imply that trusting your gut is the be-all, end-all answer. You have to use "common" sense and reasonable precaution, too. And to a point, luck does factor in there, because even doing all the right things, you can end up in the wrong place at the wrong time. |
| Posted 07-19-2010 at 07:38 PM by sweet_tna |
| | Hope it's not too far off topic, but what worries me is when we turn down a person or couple. Never know if that will escalate into some type of revenge, either outing us or some altertcation. |
| Posted 07-19-2010 at 08:21 PM by exploringRM Updated 07-19-2010 at 08:27 PM by exploringRM |
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by The Fuse That's the "Luck" in the title of this blog. I think you really hit on an interesting, and important, subject with this blog entry. Thanks for sharing this. You never know, it really could help someone in the future. |
| Posted 07-19-2010 at 08:39 PM by two4youinswva |
| |  Great topic Fuse. Gut feeling goes a long way for me. But I try to add in common sense and all that. Still, there are things I can look back on in my life and wonder at how we came out on the right end of things. Your ideas of leaving a note or telling someone where you are sound good as well. |
| Posted 07-23-2010 at 06:49 PM by gatorvol64 |
| |  So really, how do we make these decisions about when to trust? It comes from shows on TV. We all got our investigative gene coddled as we first watched Murder she Wrote then Matlock, oh so many years ago. When Jessica Fletcher solved all the New England whodunnits, and Matlock got a little too small town, we moved on to Law and Order. I think during the courting and getting to know someone phase that most of us can filter out the un-wanted. I think your initial trust came from the conversations and comfort you had in this courting phase. Some people are just very easy to read, understand and like. |
| Posted 07-26-2010 at 03:22 PM by ENCRYPTEDTX |
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