Okay I'm a very open single of this life style. Iv been on a few dates and I always make sure that I tell this person about this life style well you can only imagine the rejection o get because of it but I would rather tell the person right away simpley because I'm very honest and open but this rejection makes me feel like maybe I'm wired or something of that nature I would very much like some advice on this

Okay I'm finding it hard for a single male which I can understand its just I'm a 21 male very well spoken established fire fighteramd I'm very op3n and decided to try this life style I'm not immature so. If I could get some good advice and honest opinions that would be great thanks :)

This is being posted by me, but comes from both MrsCoupleErotic22 and myself.

Had you asked me 20 years ago, even two years ago, if we would consider swinging, my initial response would have been laughter followed by a resounding no. I imagine my wife’s response would have been the same, sans laughter. She agrees.

I see people come to the forums with lifestyle questions looking for advice. The first question that comes to mind is, do they have complete, open and honest communication and a rock solid relationship? Swinging will not help build that, but it can sure tear a relationship down if they are missing. So to me, those are the prerequisite criteria for swinging. Just two short years ago, we did not meet these criteria ourselves.

A little more than a year ago, my wife came to the conclusion she was not happy, or at least not as much as she thought she would be almost 20 years into our marriage. She had the courage to come straight out and tell me, rather than just holding it in until she was miserable and our relationship was irreversibly damaged.

She told me our marriage was not what she thought it would be when we got married. This was a HUGE revelation to me. I was stunned, and a bit hurt. But in hind sight I am very happy she said it. I had plodded along for years thinking she was happy and everything was good. I was happy as well, or so I thought at the time. Had she not had the courage to address the issue with me, our lives would be much different today. It is even possible we would have gone down the same path as so many others, ending in divorce.

You see, we married young and had no parents to turn to for marital advice. All we had was each other, and we were both pretty naive when it came to what being married was all about.

Early in our relationship neither of us communicated very well. Our relationship was filled with miscommunications, mistakes and misconceptions. As time passed those miscues just sort of passed into the realm of acceptance about what the other wanted and expect out of our marriage. There was no one BIG issue, but rather many small ones that had gone unresolved over the course of our marriage. All those small issues had festered for so long, she reached a point of discontent.

Sounds like a horrible marriage, but it was not all bad. In fact our marriage was pretty good, in comparison to most people we knew. We loved each other, and did all the things happy couples did, we were just missing something. For everyone else, it seemed like a great marriage, it even seemed so to me. We were often told how great a marriage we had by others. This used to add to her frustration because she felt that our marriage could be so much more.

Once she told me she was not happy, we had to figure out where to go from there. We both loved each other and neither wanted a divorce, so that left trying to figure it out. To me, the simple fact she had the courage to tell me how she was feeling, and that we both had the desire to work on our relationship, put us well ahead of many couples we knew. We spent the next several weeks on late night, sometimes all night, discussions on what was wrong in our marriage. It was exhausting, but one by one, we discussed every problem we had in our relationship, from money, to jealousy, to sex, to cuddling, to communicating and many many more. We agreed that anything and everything was on the table, and to leave no stone unturned. Our new mantra was complete honesty, hold nothing back.

We began to realize that most of what each of us thought the other wanted was incorrect. Our assumptions of what the other wanted were based out of the early miscommunications of our marriage. It was like someone turned on the lights, and we began to resolve our differences.

She began to find the things in our relationship she knew she was missing and I began to find things I never realized I was missing. In a few short weeks our relationship had grown more than it had the previous two decades. Now we both felt we had a great relationship, but wanted to continue to make it the best relationship possible.

Throughout the process not only did we resolve long standing problems, but we began to learn new things about each other’s emotions, thoughts and desires. We were rediscovering each other and falling in love all over again. It almost felt as if we were dating again. We were both very happy.

Among the many things we learned about each other is one that ended up leading us to the lifestyle. I had been sexually active before we married, but she had not. For years having a third in our sexual relationship had been part of our fantasy life, but never a real possibility to happen. She isn’t the type to stray, but there was some curiosity and a bit of desire to see what experiences she had missed. She had never brought it up because she was afraid of what I would think.

Last fall, she just came out and said she wanted to see what sex would be like with another man. She had grown up the quintessential good little girl, so saying it did not come easy to her. To both of our surprise, I was encouraging. She, in turn, encouraged me to explore as well. This was a huge step, I had never been the jealous type, but early in our relationship she had been. Our relationship had grown to the point that we were comfortable enough to have this discussion, if nothing else.

We both knew this exploration was not about love, but sex and curiosity. But what we knew about the lifestyle, at that point you could have written on the inside of a match book cover. In fact we did not even consider it swinging at first, just exploring our desires. We had no idea how to go about making this happen, other than possibly through someone one of us already knew. I began to research the topic, and that is when I stumbled upon the” lifestyle”.

I read as much as I could find, unfortunately I did not find this site until much later. The more I learned the more we discussed and tried to figure out if it was right for us. We talked about how we would feel afterwards, could our marriage survive, would we feel guilty or jealous? We discussed it from every perspective we could imagine and few we hadn’t, but learned about online. We both agreed that NOW our relationship was solid enough for us to at least give it a try.

We read that we needed rules, so we made a laundry list that could fill a small book. We found out about swingers sites, so me made profiles, separate profiles at first, before realizing a shared profile was best. We met new people and chatted and improved our profile. It was very much a learn-as-you-go experience. Getting to know people well enough for us to be comfortable took a little while. Eventually, last winter, we set up a play date.

When the day finally came, we had first time jitters. We really did not know what to expect, even though we had read as much as we could find on the topic. We met at a local bar and ended up talking for hours before retiring to a nearby hotel. Once there, things moved at a rapid pace. It was both comfortable and easy while still extremely exhilarating. No jealousy, no qualms, no hesitation.

Afterwards she and I went back to the bar while our guest stayed in the room to recover, we were still too charged to relax. It was around 3am. She and I talked about what just happened. We were both happy and surprised at how relaxed we were. Other than a few minor first timer miscues, things had gone very well. We were happy we had made the choice to do this. So much so, we returned to the room for round two before heading home a few hours later.

In the coming days we talked more. We discussed how we felt, what we thought, what the impact on our lives and relationship was. We realized that most of the rules we set out were silly, artificial means to protect a relationship that had already become rock solid. We realized our love for each other and communication were what protected our relationship, not the rules. We have pared those rules down to a small handful that deal with safety, communication and discretion. In fact, I am not even sure we would call them rules anymore, they do not need to be enforced, they are simply the things we know we need to do to maintain a healthy relationship. We follow them instinctively.

Since then we have met more people, had more encounters and more fun. Swinging has added an entire new dimension to our lives that we both truly enjoy. But most importantly we have continued to grow closer as a couple with each passing day and our love has grown stronger. Not because of swinging, but because of the overhaul of our relationship that my beautiful wife precipitated.

Had we not gone through the process of rediscovering our relationship and mending the flaws we would have likely have never entered the lifestyle. We had problems that not only could swinging not fix, it would have only made worse. I am almost certain our marriage would not have survived had we entered the lifestyle prior to mending our relationship. Back then our relationship was not rock solid and our communication was not complete, open and honest enough. It is now, thanks to my wife’s courage and our hard work, not swinging.

I got an email today that led me to the lifestyle site that is sponsoring my trip to Hedonism in NOV and the schedule has been posted.

To say I am stoked would be an understatement.

I am still picking my brain for costumes for the theme events and "peacock" items of flair and personality.

I will arrive on a Saturday and there will be a pool party. I think I will be found in the pool with my Swing Lifestyle party mug, and a fake tattoo on my arm that has the MFM logo indicating I am seeking couples.

I am still trying to decide how to "dress" for the Class Reunion "School Girls and Guys" party. Maybe I can pull off the teacher look!

Monday will be a total wash theme-wise for me. Short shorts are not my thing. Maybe no shorts and a tee shirt that says "Group Sex Coordinator"......

I suppose I should quit listening to Colbie Caillat and start watching the movie 300 or some Spartan movies and learn how to make a toga.......Maybe its easier to buy a toga!

I have read that you get out of Hedonism what you put into it. I am trying to pull out all the stops and have fun every day, all day!

More shopping and thinking lies ahead

After discovering the need to adjust Der Houndt’s harness, I decided to weigh him. This required me to step on the scale with and without the pup. I was shocked to discover that I am now at my highest non-pregnant weight again. This put me in kind of a funk, as I had started trying to exercise and eat better a few weeks ago.

Before the funk could fully set in, a couple gentlemen I met at the house party we attended last month started to chat me up. It felt really good to realize that not only are Mr. Sweet and I finally starting to make some new connections, but that these guys are interested in me as I am. Talk about an ego boost!

Of course, I fully intend to follow through with my diet and exercise routine (which, by the way, includes pole dancing classes!), because my health is important to me.

Now all I have to do is get through the next two weeks, when we'll be attending our next party. And yes, those new connections are planning to go to the party, too. :cool:

=)

I decided to play dress up tonight for my honey and stuffed myself into my red satin corset, lacy blue panties, white stripper boots, and Wonder Woman cape. (Yes, I know Wonder Woman didn’t wear a cape, but they sell them for $5.00 at Six Flags Great Adventure and I bought one on a lark.) Oh yes, and let’s not forget a gold bangle bracelet on each wrist. ;)

After pictures were taken, Wonder Wife took her favorite thug into custody, intent on using her powers of seduction to fight for truth, justice, and the American way. The problem was, her faithful canine companion (an eight month old Basset puppy) was right on her very high heels. As she reached for the under-the-bed restraints to secure the evildoer, she got a cold wet nose to her backside. Cries of, “EEEK!” aren’t very heroic-sounding. As Wonder Wife had her prisoner bound and began checking him for hidden weapons, the canine companion began barking and running around the bed and, nipping at the prisoner. Wonder Wife was unable to maintain her composure, and during her giggle fit, the hound jumped onto the bed! (This is a new trick of his.) :lol:

The beast was promptly removed from the bed, escorted from the room, and given a bone before the door was closed and locked behind him. Composure regained, Wonder Wife returned to her dastardly husband to foil his evil plans. :hahaha: All went well until Wonder Wife was nearly strangled by her cape (of course I kept it on!) and her boot lace got stuck in the restraints. But rest assured, she did manage to save the day—er, night!

=)

Artie, Artie. What ever happened to us? I went to the high-school reunion hoping you would be there. Then I heard from my former heart-throb, Mary, that you had collapsed while at your office, just three months before, a heart attack, you did not make it. Oh, God. What happened to us? Why did we not stay in-touch? What kind of life did you have? A good one, I hope. We were such great friends. You and I had our first illegal alcoholic drink at a piano bar in Wildwood. We had our first legal drinks at a sleazy bar on Times Square. We had told out Moms and Dads that we were going to be at the Judie Garland concert at the Garden State Arts Center. Instead we went to Times Square. We got to our respective homes and our fathers ask, each in their own way, "How was the concert?" "Wonderful", we both say, maybe even at the same point in time. It was the day and age before the invention of cell phones, the Internet, quick communication. We did not know, but our parents knew. Judy Garland had collapsed on-stage and had to be carried off. We were BUSTED. Oh, what adventures. And there were others. You know, Artie, don't you. How about that aborted trip the Woodstock? I can't even type this. My eyes are too full of tears. I hope you are at peace, wherever your are. What ever happened to us?

I'll flat out admit it, I really hate the fact that as a reserved soft-spoken male I seem invisible at swing parties/clubs. I absolutely love seeing my gf have fun and also playing with her out in the open for others to watch. But my ability to attract swing partners is completely nil. No crying about it, it simply is what it is. I still have yet to believe that an overweight, introverted male (I'm an INFP for you Meyer's-Briggs devotees scoring @ home) can have fun to the same extent a more outgoing person can have in the lifestyle.

Over the last week or so, Mr. Sweet and I have talked about the changes in our lifestyle pace since we began. We started off on the roaring rapids, with loads of opportunities coming our way. We then settled into more of a patio boat pace. We were moving along with a steady group of friends, hooking up when time allowed. Then we were dry docked for awhile, due to my mom’s illness. (She’s doing MUCH better now, by the way). We tried restarting the motor on the patio boat, but it just wasn’t revving for us. So we’ve adopted more of a lazy river pace—just floating along, with no real destination in mind, going wherever the current takes us. It’s not that we don’t want to play. But as I’ve previously mentioned, most of the couples in our little circle of friends seem to be unavailable now. We also haven’t had much luck in our attempts to find new playmates.

Or have we? At a birthday party for our friends’ daughter on Saturday, we ran into a couple we’d met at the house party we attended a few weeks prior (also hosted by Fred and Wilma). We talked to them a bit at the house party, but as I mentioned in my last blog entry, we spent most of our time talking to old friends. It seems we hit it off rather well with Ariel and Eric, at least on a vanilla basis. They even invited us to join them and Fred and Wilma for a day at a local amusement park. A great time was had by all, and there appears to be a mutual attraction with them. Nothing direct was said, as it’s a family day, but there are tentative plans in the works for us to co-host a Halloween house party with them.

Yes, I believe this lazy river is the perfect place for us right now.

=)

How do we decide whom to trust in the lifestyle? Are we too trusting at times? Other times, do we cheat ourselves out of some good times by not trusting enough? A few things have made me wonder about this question lately.

If you read my last blog entry, you know CXXC and I had a fabulous time alone together. I had absolutely no qualms about going off alone with him. He's been posting here for years, and what he writes shows him consistently to be a person of good character. We've corresponded, etc. etc. A person with bad motives would be extremely unlikely to put that kind of effort in, especially the posting and blogging on this board. So I had all the trust I needed in that case.

The recent post by the woman who was drugged her first time out at a swinger's club also made me think. In short, it makes me think you can't really trust anyone you don't know. Sometimes people really ARE out to hurt you.

Two weekends ago, Mr. Fuse was away for the weekend. I considered going to a meet and greet by myself. Part of why I didn't was because no one would be dedicated to watching out for me, even though I would have certainly known many people there. I ended up spending the night with a couple we've known since last fall, just the three of us at their house. It was a very fun night :).

This past weekend, we went to meet a couple we'd been corresponding with for about two weeks. We'd exchanged a bunch of emails and the lady and I had talked on the phone. Normally, Mr. Fuse and I have a policy of always meeting new people in a public place, at least briefly. We couldn't imagine meeting someone for the first time in their home or ours. What if a new couple turned out to be really bad people who would do terrible things? But somehow, when this lady invited us to meet at their house with the idea that we'd go out in their boat, I just said, "Okay", without thinking about it. We just had a report already... and frankly, I didn't have my usual filter on. Mr. Fuse agreed it was most likely fine. Not only did we go over there, but after a little bit, the guy went to the boat briefly to pick something up and left us alone with his wife! To cap it off, we went out in their boat with them, out on the water with no one else around! We had just met less than two hours previously! We even joked that the two of them could chop up our bodies and chuck the pieces overboard. We weren't the slightest bit nervous. We all played on the boat, had a great time, went back to their house and talked and then played some more.

So really, how do we make these decisions about when to trust? I think much of it is subconscious. Maybe I should have started a thread instead of making this a blog post. Either way, it's way too long so I apologize...

It has been a very nice weekend. Dusted off my fifty-years-old eighty-power, reflector telescope yesterday evening and took advantage of the remarkably clear sky to observe the mountains of the Moon. I wondered what Galileo thought to himself when he first say these mountains. "Oh, shit. When the Pope hears about this, my ass is grass." Or maybe he was simply caught up in the wonder of it, like I was. I hope it is clear again this evening.

Dave and I went out last night to a LS friend's house for dinner. One thing led to another and before you knew it, we all had our clothes off and was havin' a blast!! Jeez, that felt good. Our 7 months of not being able to do anything is over. :D

For the last two weeks both PB and I have been off work, and instead of planning some epic road trip, we decided to just amuse ourselves as best we could. Not sure why I'm going to tell you the whole tale except I think that it has something to say about why the Lifestyle has worked out so well for us.

We started out going to a club, which for us is a hit-or-miss thing, since neither of us are particularly good at the whole mingling thing. So we ended up in the back room just us, which doesn't really do much for me. We were just about to head for home when we ran into a woman PB had met at a hotel take-over earlier in the year, and has been lusting after ever since. She asked us to play, and that was our first FMF ever- my oh my!

Next day we went to a nude beach with a vanilla female friend. It was a very isolated one, with few people, and even when a guy came along and parked himself close to us, we were basically left to ourselves, which was great, and she and I had a great time lying there naked and yakking while PB wandered and soaked up some rays. For the record, this friend knows about us, but isn't interested, which is fine by us, but I did point out to PB that this other fellow probably thought that PB was the king, there with two women. (and I'm PRETTY sure the other guy was a swinger).

Monday we went to a lifestyle friend's coffee shop to say hi, and ended up going out to dinner with them. We hadn't had a chance to just sit down and talk to them in awhile, let alone play, so that was great fun.

Tuesday we went to our regular nude beach with our BLFs (Best Lifestyle Friends). We hung out together, chatted with another guy who had contacted me online wanting swingers to hang out with at the beach, fooled around a bit very discreetly in the water, and basically had a fun day.

We watched our boy play baseball the next day, which, let's face it, is hard to beat for a hot summer evening activity.

The Thursday night we decided to be silly and drive too far to a club which on Thursdays lets couples in for free and charges single men $60. Figured we had nothing to lose. The poor men. I don't think that a single one got lucky. One fellow sure tried hard- had never been to a swingers club before, dressed in jeans, sneakers, T-shirt and ball cap. He hit on every couple in the place, and struck out every time. We stayed maybe an hour and a half, had a late night unhealthy Denny's meal on our way home, and managed to enjoy ourselves. We didn't even have sex with each other that night, either at the club or when we got home. Just laughed a lot.

Friday night we had drinks and dinner with a new couple, went to a park and talked for a couple of hours, then said goodnight. We'll be seeing them again.

Saturday night we watched our boy play baseball again, once again enjoyed that thoroughly.

Sunday we crashed. It was too darn hot to even THINK of going to the beach.

Monday we went to visit friends who have a trailer at a nudist resort. We talked, had dinner, talked, went over to the hot tub and pool, went back and played, watched Rocky Horror, went to bed, went out for breakfast the next morning, and came home, having finalized plans for a late-August canoe trip.

Wednesday we had drinks with another new couple, had a nice time, have encouraged them to join us on our next group expedition to our favourite club so that we can get to know them better.

Thursday we went to visit our BLF's, two hours away. We talked, played, had dinner, hot tubbed, played, talked, went to bed, had breakfast, talked, talked, came home.

Saturday I lost my strip club virginity. We went with friends, stayed for 3 hours drinking beer and trying to figure out the age of the strippers, and watching the girls work the room- this is a pretty sleazy club, where almost anything goes in back, apparently. Then we went back to our friends' place, talked for another 2 hours, THEN started playing, and drove home as the sun was rising.

Vacation is over for PB now, and I think it worked out pretty well. I had been fairly aggressive about scheduling time with "friends", and while we didn't always play, we had a great time hanging out with our friends. We have been swinging for about 2 and a half years now, and we have really made strong, lasting friendships that are not just based on the fact that we like to fuck each other. And while yes, we DO enjoy the fucking too, (oh my yes) that social aspect of the Lifestyle that is very satisfying and very important to us. We do still have vanilla friends, but we don't tend to go out for a night on the town with them, and certainly don't keep in touch with them the same way we do with our favourite lifestyle people.

All in all, despite two major meltdowns when PB (thought) he lost his wallet, and a few days later (thought) he lost his phone, this has to rate as Best. Holiday. Ever.

Hmmmmm Maybe its because its a Monday, the stars are not aligned, or they had a bad day....who knows?

Im still half asleep checking my email on Swing Lifestyle but the first one was quite sobering and powerful. The couple had posted in the Groups Section on Swing Lifestyle that they would be at Hedo the same time I was and that anyone (im pretty sure it said anyone as I am respectful of cpls seeking cpls) sharing a vacation the same time they are should drop them a line and say Hello.

:)Hedonism:)

Sorry, shiny penny there and lost my train of thought. So in their reply to my well constructed (nouns, verbs, complete sentences, punctuation, and no little red wavy lines under any of the words like thsi) was to inform me that I was not in the lifestyle. That I was not married, so I was simply a single guys fucking married women. (My current partner and girlfriend is not married, should I tell them that?)

So I think about the definition of swinger, and I think I fit very well within it. I think of the lifestyle and what the lifestyle is, and how it pertains to me. In my mind, I am a swinger and I am in the lifestyle.

I did however enjoy their last line about single guys who go to Hedonism and are not jerks do have lots of fun. They also mentioned this was the only venue that they play with single guys.

My mind is reeling with thoughts and ideas right now and I think a run on the treadmill will be a nice sanity check.

This is not the first email that I have received that has been crass, rude, or belittling but this one does take the cake for some reason.

Starbucks, treadmill, clear mind.....in that order

So today i woke up way too early for my liking and with a sinus headache as well or something close to it. i checked to see if my bf was up cause i texted him when i got home late last night. i got up, took some excedrin, and gave dad his meds. so i sent my bf a text and i went back to bed. i tossed and turned a bit but was able to get back to sleep after my kitty curled up with me. so i got up around 1130 and headed downstairs to get something to eat. i was starving. i made dad some lunch and then nuked for me something as well. i got online and went thru my new fb page, i added my new friends that i met last night. and had a few chats online, B was online, and he asked how i was doing. then D and D were online as well and were checking to see how i was doing. Told everyone i was ok and thinking about taking the kids to the movies. which of course ended up being the last showing of the movie for the night. well i asked my bf to get online so i could tell him what transpired the night before. it was too much to txt via bb.so i went thru all the details and told him i needed to catch up my blog. and expl how ticked off i was because an aquaintance that i made online via Swing Lifestyle,made some very big accusations about him, without ever meeting either one of us. i am very protective of him and of our relationship and how it works for us. it actually upset me quite a bit. he told me not to let it bother me, and to meet with her and let her decide then. well she decided that she did not want to meet me afterall. so fine whatever, she still pissed me off by what she was implying. told him to tell me he loved me and i might just be ok. well i was getting bombarded with chats in the afternoon, so i had to sign off. i kept in touch with everyone via cell texts pretty much the whole day. then i finally got the kids to the movies, and we went out for dinner afterwards. nothing like eating dinner after 11pm at night. LOL. i was texting my bf,B and B while we were eating dinner. It was rather amusing.I told my bf that i was really thinking about getting a tatoo weds. I had thought about it before but he wanted to know why I was really wanted to do it. I really wanted to have his initials tatted on my behind, but he wanted to know why i would do that. i told him, it was my dedication. he said i should really think about it before i get it done since it is permanent. so he suggested that maybe i would like it better if i got a pic or something else done, if i do it at all. so we will see. i had played around with the idea of getting my nips pierced, but the videos i have seen make it look very painful. now mind you, i have a high pain threshold. but it looks to be too much even for me.so i am going to look up some tat pics and see what i like.